Yes, you heard me right. Today’s blog post is all about sex. In romance novels.
All in all, I read about thirty seven romance, thirty four paranormal and twenty romantic suspense novels last year. Those are my Kindle categories, by the way. I read many more printed books but nothing has a better overview than the Kindle.
I once gave the beginning of my “angels-themed” story to a friend of mine. After some days, she called me and said, “You know, I didn’t know you wrote erotic novels! I always wanted to know what they’re like.” This was my attempt at a paranormal mystery with a romantic sub-plot.
For ignorants or any newbies to this genre, romance novels are about two people meeting, hating, and finally falling in love with each other after only a few days. Usually the love scenes are after 50% or 75% of the book. The first kiss happens at the 25% mark (am I a Kindle reader, or what?).
For ignorants or any newbies to this genre, romance novels are about two people meeting, hating, and finally falling in love with each other after only a few days. Usually the love scenes are after 50% or 75% of the book. The first kiss happens at the 25% mark (am I a Kindle reader, or what?).
So, let’s talk about those love scenes on the 50% and 75% mark. Some books have those said scenes earlier in the story and they are followed by one after another. Those are erotic romance or erotica. In my opinion they are allowed to have unrealistic acts. In romance novels, however, I have the expectation that at least some love scenes should be realistic or re-enactable. Somehow there seems to be an unwritten law in the romance writer world where love scenes have to be mind-blowing, unimaginable, dreamy or out-of- this-world experiences.
Susan Howard’s (Cry no More, Open Season, Kill and Tell) characters always have incredible sex. The heroine usually has multiple orgasms with the hero who has a muscular body (six-pack abs) and the GQ cover model looks. And he is also very intelligent and witty. I can’t remember an ugly hero in her novels. Ever. Maybe we readers don’t want to read about the average Joe or Jane with flabby tummies and other hanging body parts. Although Jennifer Crusie’s novels (Bet Me, Welcome to Temptation) are incredibly refreshing. She mostly has not the average heroine. (but I think her heroes are always handsome)
But back to Mrs. Howard’s books. The absolute highlight came in her Mackenzie stories. All the heroines were virgins but had the most mind-blowing sex the first time with at least five orgasms. That was the point where I got really annoyed (and jealous). I honestly don’t know anyone who had five orgasms the first time or even later in one act (not several acts - only in a single one). I think I would know this. Someone who had five or more orgasms doesn’t keep this to herself. No way! They would come out of the closet and I would certainly wanna know their big secret.
I have to admit, I've never read European romance novels so maybe this is something typical American (?) Maybe for you this is totally normal. Maybe you tell your hubby, "hey, let's go upstairs and get me some five O's. Waddaya think, hon?" He: "Sure. pumpkin. Before or after 'Ice Road Truckers'?"
Susan Howard’s (Cry no More, Open Season, Kill and Tell) characters always have incredible sex. The heroine usually has multiple orgasms with the hero who has a muscular body (six-pack abs) and the GQ cover model looks. And he is also very intelligent and witty. I can’t remember an ugly hero in her novels. Ever. Maybe we readers don’t want to read about the average Joe or Jane with flabby tummies and other hanging body parts. Although Jennifer Crusie’s novels (Bet Me, Welcome to Temptation) are incredibly refreshing. She mostly has not the average heroine. (but I think her heroes are always handsome)
But back to Mrs. Howard’s books. The absolute highlight came in her Mackenzie stories. All the heroines were virgins but had the most mind-blowing sex the first time with at least five orgasms. That was the point where I got really annoyed (and jealous). I honestly don’t know anyone who had five orgasms the first time or even later in one act (not several acts - only in a single one). I think I would know this. Someone who had five or more orgasms doesn’t keep this to herself. No way! They would come out of the closet and I would certainly wanna know their big secret.
I have to admit, I've never read European romance novels so maybe this is something typical American (?) Maybe for you this is totally normal. Maybe you tell your hubby, "hey, let's go upstairs and get me some five O's. Waddaya think, hon?" He: "Sure. pumpkin. Before or after 'Ice Road Truckers'?"
Susan Elizabeth Philips (Glitter Baby, Heaven, Texas, It had to be You) had a funny take on this romance issue. In her latest book “Call me Irresistible” her hero was everything a woman could wish for but the heroine wasn’t satisfied after five O’s. The sex was too perfect, too clean.
I don’t know what it is with the number Five. It seems to be the magical golden number of romance novel sex. For simplicity’s sake, let’s call them the Big O's. So, when I say he’s a Big 3, it means the hero can provide 3 O’s.
The funniest thing is, though, that the different actions during the sex scenes happen in the same sequence. Always.(After reading over a hundred romance books, I should know!) Is this also one of these unwritten romance novel laws? If I tell you the sequence, my blog would probably turn into a Rated R content. So I leave it to your imagination. *wicked grin*
Maybe I can tell you so much: The hero is always (I really mean always and ever) very unselfish in these actions.
(If I have time one day, I have to assemble 'The Unwritten Laws of Romance Novel Writing'. Just have to come up with an idea how to turn this in to Rated PG)
On tomorrow's blog you can check if your loved one has the umph for a romance novel hero.
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